Sunday, October 23, 2011

In The Dark Of The Night

The story from Shem's perspective. (As narrated by his wife):

I was asleep. Dead asleep. I don't play around with sleep. In fact, I've been known to sleep whilst doing things that normal people only do when they're awake. (Walk, talk, feed babies, fight bad guys, etc.) That's how seriously I take this sleeping thing. I was dreaming peacefully when suddenly, and from out of nowhere I was rudely awakened by my wife who was apparently having a nightmare and/or a severe seizure in the middle of our bed. Arms flailing at terrifying speed, and with zero accuracy, she was frantically swatting every inch of bed (and me) that she could reach. I quickly assessed the situation and came to the sleepy conclusion that she was having a nightmare and it was spilling over into reality, causing her to try and kill me. I grabbed her arms and said (in what I hoped was a reassuring voice, but probably sounded more like a sleepy mumble), "Babe. Hey. Babe. It's okay. You're dreaming." She stopped flailing and continued to paw through the sheets like she was looking for something.
"No, babe. There is a bug."
"There's no bug," (I was quickly becoming more awake and slightly amused by the situation. A sleepy grin spread across my face.) "You're having a nightmare,"
"No, babe. There is a bug."
Yeah. She was dreaming. I stared at her. She continued, "I swear I'm not sleeping. A huge bug just crawled across my arm. We have to find it. It was enormous."
She sounded awake. I peered, bleary eyed, through the very bug-free sheets. After our thorough investigation revealed no lurking crawler, I reached my conclusion: She had dreamed it. I looked up at her.
She gave a sleepy half-laugh, "There is no way I dreamed that." Pause. "Did I dream that?" Pause, "I think I dreamed that,"
We laughed for a few good minutes about her insanity and then drifted off to sleep.

I had to pee.
I went to pee.
I found a dead water bug in my underpants.

Never again will I doubt my wife's sanity.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Playing Catch-Up

As I sit here, munching my extra fiber oatmeal (delicious and nutritious. I highly recommend it. Yay healthy colon!) it comes to my attention that it has been many moons since last I blogged and I feel as though I need to update the blogger world on my comings and goings. Weight loss, weight gain, weight stagnation, battles with chocolate, becoming obsessed with Psych, having major life-altering paradigm shifts, starting work...these adventures must be shared.

I blog in lists a lot. I love lists. I'm really, really dorky about lists. So. That being said, here we go:

1. Started work.
Food-Ex. It's the stuff. For those of you who aren't acquainted with my history with Food-Ex, I will provide a brief synopsis. I graduated in 2007. Darron Nilson, Food-Ex's most illustrious owner, talked to me about starting a position there. Ever since then, I have left and returned thrice. I really kind of like this job. I mean, it isn't glorious or anything (far from when we're delivering from El Portal and come back swimming in Chile Verde. It's hard to bathe out that smell. And poor Suzie. (my car) The stench is something awful.) BUT I love driving. I love listening to music. I love setting the food up. (I'm a weirdo about making things look organized and pretty) and I love the hours because I get more time with my son. And I kind of like him.

2. Stopped losing weight.
I. Hate. My. New. Metabolism. I mean, it's never been easy for me to lose weight...mostly because it's not easy for me to stop eating. ;) But last time I lost a ton of weight, all I did was cut out sugar and start running. Okay. No. I'm actually realizing I'm lying. I also cut out white flour and most starches and fatty meats and added lots of nuts, leafy greens and such. But the thing is, those habits became so well established that I still (mostly) eat that way. I try to eat more veggies than anything else and I've cut out sweets all together. Granted, exercise has yet to become a regular part of my routine. I'm still figuring out my kid's schedule (that he doesn't have...let's be honest) and how to work in a work out (see what I did there? Yay words!) around it. Wow. You're gonna have to read that last sentence like four times before it makes sense. Apologies. I'm writing this I'm realizing why I'm not losing weight. I need to start working out and I need to improve my eating just a smidge and I need to keep on keepin' on. Wish me luck!

3. Bought new pants.
This wasn't very exciting. And there is no story behind it. But it's the first new item of clothing I've been able to afford since about a year before I got married. So. About two years. Yay math! Granted, they are work pants. But still. I got to see the inside of a dressing room. They haven't changed much over time.

4. Shem changed jobs.
This is probably the most exciting of all the updates. Shem quit Verizon and started work as an Administrative Assistant/Spanish Translator for an attorney here in town. He's been there about a week and he LOVES it so far. He says it's far, far busier than Verizon was, but he likes that he's constantly working because it makes time go by faster and makes him feel like he's accomplished something by the end of the day. The best part about this new job is that he is getting paid the same amount monthly that he was getting paid working full time at Verzion, but now he only works 25 hours a week. This will be PERFECT for next semester when he starts school. This job was a HUGE blessing. A shout-out to Brianne for the tip.

5. My boy just woke up and wants to eat or something. So I'll have to resume this list at a later date. But I think 4 updates are quite enough to be going on with for now.