Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thought Doodles.

I'm a doodler. I have been all my life. Nary a homework assignment left my hands un-illustrated and I've even had teachers ask me how I can possibly read my notes around all the pretties. (They did not call them pretties. That is my word.) The funny thing about my doodling, is I often "doodle" sentences. It's just whatever pops into my head. It might be poetic, it might be silly, it might not even make sense (I'm going to be honest here and let you all know that it probably usually didn't make sense.) Sometimes I would simply inform myself about how bored I was in that moment and how I wished class, or the meeting, or what have you, would end. But the point is, it was a really, really good way to vent or clear my head or feel momentarily creative. So sometimes, I need a space to 'thought doodle' and I figured, what better place than a blog?

As a female, I have many swirly, seemingly unconnected thoughts swimming in my head 24/7. For all you males out there (for the record, I'm pretty sure a grand total of 0 males read my blog. My own husband doesn't even read it.) you may be thinking to yourself, "Gee. That sounds exhausting." Well, let me let you in on a secret: It IS exhausting. This is the reason I keep a journal. It's the reason I talk incessantly. It's the reason I thought doodle. And now, it's one of the reasons I blog.

This is a 'thought doodle' entry. Because the swirly thoughts are making me tired. And slightly dizzy.

With that said, let the randomness commence:
(Interesting side-note. Apparently 'randomness' is a real word. Blogger didn't put an annoying red, squiggly line underneath it.)

-Last night I had a dream that I was in a hospital delivering my baby, but I was only 24 weeks pregnant and I wasn't in labor. I was trying to tell people that I wasn't having contractions, but no one would pay attention. Next thing I know, the doctor is strapping me onto a gurney, taking fistfuls of my pregnant belly and moving the baby around so he'd be in the 'right position'. THEN, he lathers me (using a baster) with canola oil to 'help the baby slip out'. Sure that this was not going to work, my lovely Hannah kidnapped me and took me shopping in this creeper rapist van and began dialoging with me about whether or not I'd like her to stay for the delivery. Meanwhile, I'm in the passenger seat in a hospital gown and dripping canola oil everywhere shouting desperately, "WHAT delivery?? I'm not even in LABOR!"

I guess it's true what they say about pregnant women and their strange dreams.

-I love reading stranger's blogs. I think this makes me a creeper. I think I should be less okay with that.

-I am both dreading and cannot wait for the upcoming Harry Potter release. Don't know if I'm going to handle this goodbye very well. I realize that this makes me the biggest nerd on the planet, but I don't think you people quite understand the impact that Harry Potter has had on my life and the enormous role it played in my childhood. It's like saying goodbye to one of my best friends.

-I love reading, but it makes me sleepy. Pretty much instantly, It's like a disease. Anyone have a cure? Actually, it's funny, I considered being an English major for a large part of my high-school career until I realized that I have a legitimate problem staying awake while reading. It's like a weird form of narcolepsy. But it's a really nice cure for sleepless nights. I swear it works better than Ambien. *Can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep. Oh. I'll read! "Once Upon a T... aaaand out.*

-So, I was freaking out about this whole gaining weight thing, and then I stumbled upon this article about this woman who learned to love her postpartum body and it changed my life. For some reason it really hit me today: Why am I freaking out about my body changing when here it is, creating a little miracle for me? I should be delighting in the wonder that my body is performing...not cringing about the extra poundage. New goal: No more body bashing! I'm going to eat as well as I can while pregnant while also not depriving myself of occasional treats (when you're this hormonal and apt to tissy-fits it's reeeeally not the time to tell yourself you can't have chocolate now and again) and exercise and then STOP WORRYING. My body is my body. It'll look how it's gonna look. And as long as I'm healthy, I need to quit fussing so much.

-I love the sun. It makes me happy. It lifts my spirits. It takes me out of funks I enter while it is absent. I love blue skies. I love flowers. I love Spring and Summer and all weather that is bright and beautiful. It just makes me flippin' happy.

-I miss singing.

-I love celebrating EVERYTHING. I make up reasons to celebrate. Literally invent them. "Oh, today I fit into my next size up maternity jeans. That's slightly significant. We should celebrate." "Hey, I finished all the laundry. We should have cake to celebrate" "This morning I woke up before 8. Definitely calls for a celebration of some kind." "It's -fill in the blank with obscure holiday- today...tiiiiiime for pie!"

-I have a lot of good friends. I wish I could have them all be in the same place for always.

-I love going to movies.

I'm running out of thought doodles. That's a good sign. I just wanted to introduce the concept of thought doodles here so that you'd all understand these seemingly unconnected and bizarre streams of consciousness that are bound to happen every now and again in this blog.



  1. Alicia, it blows my mind how much we have in common. Truly we are family. I was just thinking last night how much I LOVE going to the movies and how I want to to all the time this summer. I was also thinking about how much happier I am when the sun is out. I also am constantly thinking about a million things at once. It is exhausting. I can't wait to move to Cali with you! Love you dear!

  2. I love your thought doodles. And I love you.

  3. Ok, so I'm in love with the thought doodles! I may have to start doing seems so therapeutic! I especially love the one about celebrating. I feel like even just reading your help to clear my brain of all the mumbo-jumbo in there and it's fun so read what you've been thinking about. Please call me, I miss talking to you and I tried to call you the other day but I don't have your correct number anymore.

  4. Marie- I think a year or so ago I read a blog entry of YOURS that made me have the realization that we do, indeed, have much in common. I think it was one about summer time being your favorite time of year. Every single thing you were saying could have come out of my head. Except you always say things better. And more succinctly. =D

    Sarah-Whaaaat a coincidence! I love you, too!

    Kat-It is SO therapeutic. I highly recommend it. =) ALSO...I am going to call you soon. First of all because it's been forever but second of all because I'm officially moving back to Bakersfield and I need to hear about your birthing experience so I can choose a Doctor up there. =) I'll call soon!

  5. I LOVE how I drove you around in a creeper rapist van in your dream. I can just see that conversation.

    Me: Beanie, I really want to be there for the delivery.

    You: But Hannah--

    Me: No, I think it's really important that I'm there.

    You: But--

    Me: Bean, I need this baby to know me.


    Hahahahahaha! I miss you!